My wife Is a nurse in the NICU in a local hospital in our area.There is a small group of nurses and their husbands that we usually hang out with.At weddings, birthday parties, and holiday hospital functions.We recently attended a wedding for one of the previously single members of that group.It was a beautiful wedding with a locally famous 80's rock band and all the beer you could want to pound down over the course of a saturday night.

There is one couple in the group we tend to get along with just a little bit better than the others."Ron and Racheal" as they will be called for the purpose of this posting and possiblly others.Ron and Racheal are a fun and attractive couple.

Ron and Racheal have been married for alittle over a year and they are already having some huge marrital problems.According to my wife, Ron is very NASTY towards his wife.He has also had problems with drinking and driving (going on his 3rd D.U.I.)and is now working "LATE".

We recently attended a birthday party for Racheal at their home.It was Ron and Rachael, my wife and myself, and another couple. We had Pizza and beers and the occasional shot or two. After the other couple went home, things got alittle out of hand.

Rachael began to swallow a fifth of Tequilla on her own and Ron began to compliment my wife on how hot she was..repeatedly. Then just as things started seem al tad strange...Racheal came out in her "Nighty Tighty" with but floss thongs to match.Then she preceeded to dance around with her ass hanging out for all of us to see, with out a care in the world.

Now at first, my wife and I just laughed it off, pointing to the tequilla as the motivation beheind this sudden stage performance. But as the night and drinking went on, the "You and Your wife are hot comments" began to increase at an uncomfortable pace.

Just as we were debating leaving, Ron passed out and the craziness that was going on had come to a halt.We decided to get breakfeast from the 'KING" and then crashed until about 1pm the next afternoon.

As we left the next day, me and wife had a good laugh about the night before and the subliminal offer to swing.I thank god that my wife and I have such a solid relationship with each other. I feel terrible for our friends, who no doubt are going through some confusing and trying times with each other.

We are set to go over to their place once again tonight. I am hoping that we were wrong in our assesment of the situation last time and that strangeness was due to too many Blue Lights and one too many Tequilla shots.Incase we were right about the underlying message being put across by our friends. I am only drinking cokes until I feel the situation is safe.Where is Dr. Phil when you need him...GOOD GRIEF!!

Well Im back already...It's just about 3 in the morning and you guessed it..I CAN'T SLEEP!! While I was tossing and turning in bed, I just could not get brain to shut down and shut off. The mind has a funny way sometimes of forcing you to think about people, situations, and feelings you just don't want to deal with during the day.

This is my problem..and if anyone happens to be up right now and watching ( sorry to hear that ) maybe you can offer some insight or advice to me. Here goes.....

In my last posting I shared with the world my basic views on spirtuality anf faith. Like I said earlier, I was raised catholic but do not consider myself a strict member of that faith. My wife was raised catholic also but now pratices BUDISM.I have accompanied her on sundays on and off for about 2 1/2 years now. I really enjoy the people there and seem to get alot out of joining in and meditating.

Heres my problem...The more that I attend this sittings on sundays and the more I learn about budism. The more I would like to get Involved.It seems though, that every time I make a true attempt to get Involved and become a weekly participant..I find myself feeling gulity about my new adventure. I find myself feeling like Im turning my back on my faith.

Im sure that everyone is well aware that budists beliefs and catholics beliefs are not the same.Already knowing that I am not what you would call a by the book catholic.It seems odd that maybe venturing out into a more diverse spirtual world not be a problem. But I just can't bring myself to enjoy and soak up as much information as possible without thinking that I might be on the road to throwing away the only thing that has kept me going and alive through all the bullshit that I have had to endure over the course of my short 31 years.

I am hoping someone can make a suggestion on I can overcome this gulit and fear of losing my spirtual security blanket. I tend to think that it might be possible to keep my dep rooted version of the catholic faith, while embracing a community that teaches people to love themselves and most importantly EACH OTHER.

I hope I am not offending anyone with my ASKEWED defintions of either walks of life. I am only hoping that maybe their is someone out there that can maybe offer some guidance in my time of confusion. PLEASE feel free to leave comments!! Thank you

I would like to take this opportunity to thank anyone who has followed my blog thus far and apologize about the delay between posts.Attending school full-time and working as much as my study schedule will allow, makes it diffucult. If you have read any of my messages and the history of my " misery " has given you a chuckle or two.Please feel free to leave any advice on how to make my blog better.

I will start today by saying that I have come to the realization that alot of the postings and blogs that I have read are either based on religious or polltical views. Let me also say up front that I have no problems with that. I myself enjoy a good debate on the state of pollitics and religion in our society today.

Unfortunately for me , due to work and school, I have a hard time keeping up on current events in these arenas and would never give an uninformed opinion on either matter.So I think today I will give a little information on my background in these areas.

I was rasied catholic by my grandmother. We attened church every sunday in our sunday's best.My grandmother used to spend alot of time with me in the lobby unitl I was old enough to stop drooling all over myself. When my dad re-married, our new stepmother was a caticism teacher at our church.So now we were pulling double duty, every saturday and sunday.

In my all of my years, my faith in god has gotten me through my most dark and trying times.I catergorize myself a catholic, but I dont necessarily believe in all of the teachings of the faith itself.I do have strong belief in god, In the virgin mary, and in jesus christ.

I believe that spirtuality, in whatever form, is good for the mind, heart, and soul. I can't express how wonderful it is to know that there is a power out there that can't be defined by sience or sientists. That is why it is called a leap of faith. Beliveing without seeing.

I could'nt Imagine where I would be today without it. There were numerous times throughout my life , where I have felt lost, confused, and most Importantly defeated. If I did'nt believe that god had a plan and purpose for me, I would'nt be writing to all of you today.

For example, when I was 24 , I was secretly living in a shed on my grandmother and uncle's property. It was the middle December. It was cold, too say the least, The roof leaked and I had just lost my job and my apartment.My relationship with my uncle at the time was bad, so to avoid any problems for my grandmother, I hesitated in asking her to allow me to stay until I could get back on my feet again.

At this point, I had tried enlisting in the millitary only to be medically discharged for asthma.I had also tried going to community college only to have the goverment discontinue the grant that was providing my education.I tried the old fashion way to break into any carrer that would possiblly give me growth, stabilty, and hopefully a 401k to look foward to. But all of these avenues seemed to go nowhere.

One blistering cold night, I had gotten so fed up with life past and present, that I took what little money I had left and rented a hotel room for the night. I went out and bought a 12-pack of beer and began to drink myself into a stupor. The more that I drank, the more fustrated and upset I became with my situation. So I decided I was going to end it all right there. I reached In my overnight bag ( which was actually a plastic Farmer Jack bag)and pulled out the medication I had just recieved for depression. I opened the bottle, closed my eyes, and swallowed them all.

I continued to drink, hoping that would enhance or speed up the process. I got down on my knees and I started to pray. I yelled at and then started to pray to god. Then I prayed to jesus christ. Finally I prayed to the blessed virgin mother. I asked god right then and there to take me. I begged for him to take and pull me out of this misery HE had put me In.Then finally I asked that if there was a plan or purpose for me, to let me live.I got off my knees and crawled into bed, repeating the rosary in my mind until I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning , To my shock and amazement, I was not only ok but not feeling any affects from the night before. I packed my things and went back to my grandmothers to stay.To this day I still have that empty "PILL BOTTLE" to remind me that sometimes god's plans may not be clear...but he does have a plan if your willing to go along for the ride

fall my favorite time of the year.Im convinced that there is nothing better than hayrides, haunted houses, cider mills and Im sure everybody's favorite being stuck in traffic behind the local high school homecoming parade. In high school I absoluted dreaded homecoming and this time of the year.Some how Homecoming had a way of letting me know that no matter what or how hard I tried. I would never be accepcted into the popular crowd

I was the shy,socially challenged, goofy kid who sat in the back of the classroom and alone at lunch.It's not that I did'nt have any friends. I think it had more to do with the fact that I spent more time trying to get the emotional hurdles at home than figuring out who I thought I was and how I thought I fit in.Although I took abuse from the other kids all year round. This was the even worse because I got a first hand look at how unpopular I was with the ladies.All due in part to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

I could bare getting all of my 5"9 135 pound frame pushed around by the bigger guys.But watching your" little red hair girl" ask someone else to dance was worse than being shoved into a locker and having to wait for the maintenance crew to let you out.All of my homecommings were horrible experinces. But one year and one girl in perticular are really standing out in my mind today.

It was my senior year and the girl was Alison Kopewicki.She was a friend of my best friends girlfriend and they decided to set us up.My luck with the opposite sex had been horrible in the past, so I figured what the hell and agreed to give it a shot. I did'nt know Alison at all so I invited her over for dinner and tried to get to know her.Things were going good and I actually thought for a moment that my luck might be changing.My grandmother had gone up to bed early and we were talking and joking around. One thing lead to another an we started to play fight with each other. Some how I accidentally brushed her check with my hand and then it happened.

Alison's eyes started to bug out of her head and she went into a verbal barrage of cuse words that would have made any salior proud. She then screamed a four letterd word at me, ran out of my house, and squealed off in her parents station wagon.Thus leaving me dazed and confused as to what ahd just happened.

The rumors at school the next day consisted of me connecting with a thunderous right hook to her chin that would have put Iron Mike down for the count.By the end of the day everyone and anyone threatened to kisk my ass.Even the scrawny, dorky, lead chair violinist had challenged me to an all out battle royal in the parking lot at three.Needless to say It was'nt one of my better days of school.

I did'nt hear anything from Alison that night or the next day. So I figured that our date and this whole mess was over.Well I was wrong. My buddy " Scott" had somehow managed to smooth things out with her and our date was still on with out my knowledge. After being told of the chaning events I was furious. I swore never to speak to Alison again..let alone still go to the dance with her.

After numerous hours of badgering by scott I begrudgingly agreed to keep our date.The night of Homecoming arrived and after working a ton of overtime at my part-time job, I had a new suit and a pocket full of cash.I guess somewhere in the corner of my mind I was hoping to somehow still have a good time. I was wrong again.

We had decided to meet at Scott's house at six o'clock. When Alison finally showed(late at that) I did my best to keep the peace and told her how nice she looked in her dress. Without any hesitation, she walked right past me without a word or even a glance and told our friend Mike how good he looked in his suit. Right then and there I knew I was in for the worst night of my short almost nonexsistant dating life.

Every ounce of guts were trying to tell me to high tail it out of there before it was too late. Being the shy, quiet, and nice guy that I was. I ignored my intutition, did'nt say a word, and climbed into that same station wagon that had peeled away from house only one week earlier and leaving beheind my only chance to escape the ensuing nightmare on Scott's front porch.

As soon as we arrived at the dance Alison took off with her friends leaving me to sit off in a corner by myself. As soon as I started to think this exile might be a good thing. Alisons girlfriends began to come over one by one and peper me with questions like" Why are you being so mean to alison? Dont you like Alison? Why dont you dance with Alison? Don't you know she likes you?

Finally I decided to go over and give it another shot. What could it hurt? Maybe I overreacted to a simple misunderstanding?So due to my imense lack interaction with the opposite sex. I got up and wqalked over. Maybe things will be different this time? Once again I was wrong.

Not only did she walk past me without a word or any form of accknowledgement, she preceeded to dance with every guy in sight. Leaving her girlfriends emensed in laughter and begging for an encore. By the time I recovered and lined up a dance with a girl that I actually liked,Alison was there to hustle us off to dinner an hour early.To say that things werent going well was an understatement.

By the time we got to dinner I was hoping that we would eat, go home, and my date from hell would be over.Wrong again!! when the waitress showed up to take evryones orders. I informed Alison once again that I had plenty of money and to order whatever she liked. Instead Alison ordered all of nothing. Thats right not a damn thing on the menu.She simply responded with " Im not hungry" At this point I was too fustrated too care if she ate or not. So I ordered a porterhouse and waited for my food to arrive.

Then Alison did something I never expected. Something so bizarre and creul that to this day I think she planned it the whole time. When the waitress brought out everyones food, Alison proceeded to ask evrery girl within arms reach " Are you goona eat that" and began picking food of other peoples plates to my shock and theirs.

I quickly told Alison that if she wanted something to order it!But she only responded with" Im not really hungry, I just wanted to try that" By this time I concentrated on whoofing down my food and praying that the bill would come. Two of the couples had skipped out on their portion of the bill, so I decided to pay for them to get us the hell out of there.

Finally the night was over and I was dropped off with Scott and his girlfriend. On my walk around the block home I thought to myself thank god " Thank god thats over" and I figured I would never ahve to deal with her again....Once again I was wrong!!

At the end of my senior year the school announced that anyone who had met their graduation requirements could sign up to be a counsleor at the fifth graders camp.Scott, his girlfriend, and myself all signed up.I was perticullarly excited of ending the drama known as high school early. On the day of our pick-up, as the students rolled in to the elementary school. Low and behold..there she was ...ALISON!!I thought one night on the town with physco was enough. Let alone an entire week in the middle of nowhere. I thought for suer this was gonna kill me. My guts once again screaming for me to run as far and fast as could. I ignored them again and climbed onto the bus.The whole time at camp Alison picked at, made fun of, and damn near drove crazy. Then one morning she decided to dump her fruit cock tail on my head. Finally I had reached my melting point and snapped. I grabbed my plate and started to chase her around the main camp grounds. Determined to get my revenge I chased Alison for about 5 minutes until it happened.


She dropped like a fly to the ground and started having an ASTHMA attack!! thats right good old Alison was an ASTHMATIC. So there she was wheezing and gasping for air. I was gonna go and get help but I hesitated. I thought for sure Alison was just trying to get me come closer so she could line me up for a hard shot to the nutz.

After I realized that was'nt the case and that my family jewels were safe. I was gonna go for help but I hesitated again.I hesitated because I knew I was soon to be know as a girl puncher, a cheapskate, and last but not least a guy who makes frail little girls ahve ASTHMA attacks.In the end I ran for help and Alison was fine.

For the remainder of that week I took alot of abuse from the rest of the students( mainly the girls) and I was forced to sit by myself for meals. I have since found my " little red haired girl" although she is actually a blonde. As for Alison Kopewicki..I never ran into her again. Im sure she is somewhere out there busting someone elses balls as we speak. Thank God their not mine " GOOD GRIEF"

October 16,2005 12:26am This is my first post or blog..I'm not too sure of the terminology as of yet or how this works, but I will give it the old " college try " to keep the spelling and gramatical errors as low as possible. Hopefully during this process I don't come across as an uneducated Idiot. I am 31 years old, married, and a full-time Respiratory therapy student. My wife graduated from Michigan State University's nursing program and is an RN at a local hosiptal. She works the midnight shift and due to the lack of my employment, she works quite a bit. To try to make my nights less boring,I have decided to create my own blog. I have heard all the uproar and hoopla surrounding blogging and have decided to add my own warped, fustrated, and dysfunctional tale of life to the world. Im not sure if anyone will join me in my pain and suffering, but if you do, atleast the tickets are free and the popcorn and goobers are on me.Where do I begin? I guess I should start at the begining. I was born In Dearborn MI in August of 1974.My parents had divorced during the year of my birth, leaving my sister and I in my fathers care. My father had problems with depression( although I believe he is bi-polar), drugs and alcohol, and holding down a job. Needless to say we grew up below the poverty line for the majority of our lives.Due to my fathers isssues and his struggle to gain control of them, My grandmother and Uncle entered the picture and we were one big happy dysfunctional family.My Uncle was a truck driver in the army and a Vietnam veteran.He has yet to this day spoken to us about his experinces in the war,leaving only his occasional screams at night and photo album of Vietanemse women to do the talking for him. Although he was a truck driver, I believe that he missed his calling and should have been a drill Instructor instead. I can't possibly count the number of times that I heard " Drop and give me twenty solider" Which can be confusing for an eight year old, who up to that point, had never launched an assult on any fronts except for the front room.My grandmother was the backbone of our family. She was there to send us off to school in the morning, made sure there was a warm dinner at night( even if it was'nt much), and always kept the peace between my father and uncle usually long enough for us to get a good nights sleep.My earliest memories to this day are of my grandmother trying to keep my sister and I out of harms way,while my dad and Uncle gave new meanings to the words " Royal Rumble " in the living room. And no matter how hard she tried, I always managed to poke my head through the door long enough to see my dad club my Uncle across the back with a chair or my Uncle catch my old man with a right hook and send him sprawling to floor begging for mercy.My sister to my recollection, always seemed to be on a mission to find a way to stay in contact and move in with my mother. I never understood at that age how she could miss someone who was never there for her or us for that matter.I have very few memories of my mother. She never wrote and never called. Not one birhtday card or christmas present. That was very hard to accept for me and to hear my sister talk about her like she was the best thing since sliced bread made it even worse for me. I really resented that. It was'nt until I was in high school when I had found out, that all those years my mom was in contact with my sister. Filling her head with stories of mansions and limo rides to school. The hurtful reality of it all, was that those limos and mansions were actually pintos and trailers. I can now see why my sister wanted so badly for her to come and rescue her from our life as we knew it. I only wish that she never had to face the harsh reality of things when she did finally move in with her. I'ts too bad that she could'nt have been left with those broken promises. Maybe she would'nt be as screwed up as she is today.Well There it is, my family as I knew it. Definately not the "Brady's" and not excatly the "Mansons". I'm not saying that no one out there had it worse, quite the opposite. Atleast we had somewhat of a support structure in place.No matter how dysfunctional or flawed it may have been. A good friend of mine once told me after quite a few years of friendship, that to him I was the real life "Charlie Brown".Hence the nickname and title. I guess what Im trying to say is this, we all have our own emotional scars and natural disasters get past. And there is no time limit on healing your wounds,dusting yourself off,and getting back on the proverbial horse again. Hell even Charlie got to kick the football once or twice....DID'NT HE??