WARNING : THIS POST REFERS TO CERTAIN EMERGENCY SITUATIONS I HAVE TO RESPOND TO AT THE HOSIPTAL...I HAVE MADE EVRY ATTEMPT TO FOLLOW ALL STATE AND FEDERAL HIPPA LAWS REGARDING PATIENT PRIVACY.......

Before I start my blog post for today let me start by saying that I have changed my e-mail address and for the life of me I can't figure out how to update that to blogstream...If anyone has any Information on how to go about that and can let me know....It would be greatly appreciated....Now back to my regularly schedulded post....

Everyone who follows my blog knows that when I last posted a message I was estatic to Inform you all that not only did I pass my finals and move on to the next semester of my program.....but I also started to work for a local hospital In their Respiratory Therapy Department. I can not begin to explain the joy and excitment that I feel everyday, when I go Into work now. If you have had this experince before..then you know what Im talking about...If not, then I would recomend to you to QUIT  your jobs and go back to school.  Do something you truly love with your life before It's too late...Trust me It Is definately well worth It.

The requirments and responsibilities, of my position at work, In regards to Interaction with the patient, vary from the smallest task to possiblly saving the patients life. Everytime I walk Into a patients room to adminster therapy, i.e. breathing treatments, I must first assses the patient. I must check their vital signs, their level of conciousness, the Indications for therapy, the contraindications for therapy, and the all Important..Crictical Life functions( Ventilation, Oxygenation, Circulation, and perfusion). I truly enjoy this part of my job because along with all of the stated above...I must ALWAYS make the patient feel comfortable and at ease with the the treatment and myself.

Another factor, and probably the most Important of all, Is responding to Code Blue situations. Or as George Clooney would put It, while checking his profile In the mirror, '' Nurse call the Code, get the crash cart, and meet for drinks at my place around eight o'clock''. This Is my absolute favorite part of my job. Think about It. Your every move, every action could result In life or death.  It Is a high I could never explain unless you partake In the process yourself.

I WOULD LIKE TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT, ALTHOUGH I ENJOY THESE SITUATIONS, I DO NOT WISH THEM ON ANY PATIENT OR THEIR LOVED ONES.....

The other day at work, while completing my rounds of therapies, my beeper went off and that familar statement of '' Code Blue '' was heard overhead. I rushed to the room announced assesed the situation, and began my responsibilities. The first responsibility of the therapist In this situation I too ALWAYS  secure the patient's airway. So I began to '' Bag the patient ' and waited for futher Instructions. As the rush of Doctors and Medical students began to flow In, I listened Intently for their directions. This Is probably where you would expect the mayhem to begin just like on E.R. Sorry to burst your bubble but things don't always work that way. First, the Doctor assesses the situation for himself, then begins to explain what Is happing to the Medical students present, while barking out orders to the nurses and the rest of the response team.

Now at this point In my medical career, I have not yet been trained to secure an E.T. tube If Intubation of the patient Is required. Let me just say this, Intubation In these situations Is almost always required and It is the therapist's job to tie the tube off. Knowing this Information, I clamly explain to the Doctor who Is running the show that while I am fully capable of bagging the patient, I have not yet been trained to secure the E.T. tube and that another therapist who Is, Is on their way.

After the exchange from student therapist to Registered therapist, I usually stay and help In any capacity that I can. Alot of things go through your mind when this happens. Empathy for the patient and their families Is usually what I think of first and then I just usually begin to pray while waiting to help out In any way. But on this occassion, other thoughts began to buzz through my mind.

This patient was back and forth the whole time. First they would manage to stabilize the patient with drugs and CPR. Then the next thing you know, the patient would begin to destabilize again. This process went on for about 45 minutes and then I was sent back to my rounds. I never heard what happened to that patient due to the HIPPA laws I stated at the begining of my post.

When back on the floor, all I could think about was how everytime the response team seemed to have the situation under control, something would change, the patient would crash, and the damage control process would start all over again. It eventually got me to thinking about my marriage. How things would go from fine to worse over and over again..no matter what I seemed to try to stabilize the situation. That no matter how much we love someone, there Is no gaurntee for the future with that person. That were all living on borrowed time and that the future Is not the Important thing to focus on...but the here and now Is what really counts. Enjoying the ones you love, every second that you spend with them Is the key.

I still don't know what the future holds for my wife and I. I now no longer care about a future that may not be there, no matter how much CPR I adminster. All I know Is this.... I no longer look to that future as the foudation of my marriage or the relationship with my wife. I think I will be happy In knowing that the here and now Is what matters the most and focusing on that.

Well, It's time for me to hand the bag off and get back to the floor of my life...Besides my pager Is going off again....Good Grief....

Well another day in the life of good old Charlie Brown has come to an end, leaving me feel emotionally and physically sick. The physical part Is due to the new ADD medication I have started taking. It's amazing to me that this Is something that was never explored before. My new therapist spotted the signs within a few short meetings with him while my old therapist never gave It a thought. I have always had problems when It comes to organizing tasks and just plain keeping myself focused and following through. It Is a great relief to me and no shock that this problem Is there. It Is good to finally know that I am not crazy or lazy when It comes to things of Importance.

The reason for my emotional sickness today comes from so many places, Streaking through my mind, and clogging up my thought process. It all starts once again with the situation between me and my wife. Today was a therapist vist day for her. It always seems to me that whenever she sees her therapist she comes home more and more confused about the way she feels and the future of our marriage. Days like these are the worst to handle for me.

It's hard to explain...In between meetings with her therapist and our marriage counslor, she Is always closer to me, reminding me how much she loves me, expressing remorse for putting me through all of this and begging for her forgivness. Then we will talk about the demons haunting our marriage, trying to single out what they are and where they are coming from. Just when It seems we got a handle on them....Then that errie "Friday The Thirteenth " music comes on and I get squered from behind with a marshmallow poker, left to die with nothing but my  " tightie Whities " to save from complete Big Screen humilliation.

Not only has this situation put a strain on our marriage to say the least but now It Is leaving us both Uncomfortable with each other. My wife wants to act as though nothing Is going on and our Interactions should be the same. Me on the other hand, I just cant bring myself to give that unconditional love and support In my heart and soul to her anymore. Although I feel this way, I try not to let It show to my wife out of fear that If she new the anguish and pain she Is causing me, she would Ignore the feelings that are wreaking havoc on her psyche leaving us In a worse position In the future than we are experincing now.Talks of seperation and time alone are reaching new levels of seriousness each day.

As If that wasn't bad enough, now these feelings of great emotional loss are triggering truamatic feelings of a memory from my past that I thought I had boxed up, wraped In duct tape, and sent off to " Timbucktwo " via  UPS, has some how found It's way back Into the closet with the rest of the skeletons. This scar on my soul and self-esteem happened to me at a young age. This Is the scar that I believe was the can opener that opened the worms of depression and self doubt that I would battle then and now so many years later.

My Dad was just sent to Prison and I was sent to live with my Auant and Uncle. My dad had been the only parent and source of love and stabilty In my life up to that point. My Dad's parenting skills at the time would have made Dr. Phil call child services himself. Moving us around all the time from one nieghborhood and school to the next. At one point during this peroid, I attended 3 different elementary schools within a 6-months. Although my dad made many mistakes and came up short In the stable provider department. His love and support for me and my sister never faltered.

So It Is needless to say that my dad and I were tight. When I was sent to live with my Aunt and Uncle things were very different. They were very big on structure and discipline. They had rules and chores and you were grounded If you did not follow along. I am In no way saying that rules and discipline are creul and unusual punishment for kids. In fact I believe that If I could ahve stayed In that enviorment I would no doubtly have less financial and emotional problems today.

The adjustment for me was very difficult, as Iam quite sure It would ahve been to any child losing the only parent they had ever known. I would probably equate this to losing a parent to death. You may not agree but thats what It felt like to me. And In all my new guardians wisdom...no one ever thought to get me some sort of couseling or help In that matter. After about a year of painfull adjustment and many nights spent crying myself to sleep, I thought I had finally become accustomed to my new life.

At the end of the first day of the new school year. I returned home to a family meeting being called. These meetings always had some sort of Importance or Impact on things regarding the family. So naturally I had a small sense of uneasiness. After dinner we were all sat down In the living room, our boardroom so to speak. When discussion did'nt begin right away all the small uneasiness I was experincing earlier was raised to  " DEF-CON 5 ". All of us kids seemed to look at each other through all the silence and understand that something big was going down.

Finally my Uncle spoke. He basically said to me and the rest of us, wtihout a hint of emotion on his face, That I had become too big of a problem for them to handle anymore. I'll admit that I could'nt have been the easiest kid to handle at the time considering the circumstances but I felt that towards the end of that first year I was finally becoming comfortable with the situation and doing my part to make life more bearable for everyone Involved.

My first thought was that I would be sent to my grandmothers to stay with her and my drill sargent Uncle. my first fear was that I would have to start over at a new school again and make new friends, which was something I would never go on to be real good at. OHH how naieve the young mind could be. I was not prepared for the bombshell that was about to be dropped on me from out of nowhere.

My Uncle then continued on and said that I would be placed Into a foster care facility and then Into the States care. Then he went on to accuse me many things that were not true but the worst one of all, the one that I will never forgive to this day, He accused me of stealing their money. After my Initial shock of what was happening, I then began to break down emotionally and physically. I started to cry. Then I started to BEG them not to send me away. That I would change my bad habits. I even SWORE never to steal again. Although I had never taken a dime from the family that had opened their homes and hearts to a distraught and troubled child.

Well none of the begging and pleading had worked. The decsion had already been made. The only question left now to ask was when this atrocity would take place. Niether my Uncle or Aunt could tell me abything but that the wheels were In motion. So off to bed I went, eyes welled with tears and my face red more distrught than I had ever been. I could'nt comphrend what was happening to me. This whole situation from the start was not the greatest for me to begin with. But being sent away from the only family you have ever know like an outcast was something I was never able to able to deal with.

That night for the first time In my short life, my cousin, who I Idolized gave me hug and said that he loved me. He was like a big brother to me and I saw him cry for the first and only time.What was to come the next morning I will never forgive my Aunt or Uncle for, no matter their reasons behind It.

 The next morning I got up just like any other school day and walked to school with a heavy heart and a saddness I will never be able to explain. The thoughts of losing friends and family were to much to bare and I cried the whole way there. When I got to school I went to my locker, passing friends I knew I would never see again with a word. I made my way to my first class. When I reached the classroom and walked through the door, I was Imediately surrounded by the police and placed In handcuffs like some common criminal. I was then lead away to the fright of some classmates and the chuckles of others.

I could'nt believe that they did this to me and In such a way as If to say I was some sort of criminal. I was NO criminal. I did'nt deserve to be treated this way. No one desereves to be treated that way. They might as well have had me stoned or canned In public. I was then taken to the facilty, finger printed and sent off to some 5 by 6 cell with a toliet In one corner and a matt on the floor to sleep In. I then proceded to spend the better of eight months In this facilty. Thankfully my grandmother could no longer handle the gulit she must've been feeling over this whole ordeal and took me home to stay with them.

The whole point of these feelings and this long drawn out story today Is this. The only other time I had ever felt tossed aside by my family and the poeple I had no doubtedly loved a great deal. I felt distraught and was willing to do whatever It took to remain a part of the family, no matter hoe disfunctional It was. As the situation with my wife continues to drag on and those feelings of being tossed aside unjustly by the ones you love creep out of the closet, pushing the other skeletons adise to rear It's ugly head grow bigger, somehow my feelings regarding these feelins have changed.

I now have a greater sense of confidence, self assurance, and self belief that I will once again climb out of the depths of despare and deppression to a brand new day filled with hope and happiness for the future. While my wife Is firmly sitting on her fence of direction, unsure of the path ahead, waiting for a big enough breeze to bolw her to one side or the other. I have on the other hand already began the process of subconsciouly moving on. Unwilling to beg and plead for the love, respect, and acceptance that should ahve always been there.

So  the next time UPS comes knocking at your door, with a big box full of depression, fear, and skeletons you thought you had hidden somewhere deep In the basement or attic of your subconcious. Whatever you do...be sure to lock the doors, turn off the lights, and for the love of God don't answer the door...It's just not worth the heartache.....GOOD GRIEF.....

Peace and Hair Grease to all.......

~CB~

I was Half through the door, bags packed, ticket In hand, suncreen applied,  sunglasses on and wearing my favorite Hawian shirt. Looking foward to a period of healing and relaxation. No wife, no school, no blog, no stress, no confusion and no fustration. Just me, myself, and I, In some small border town where no one knows your name, where I don't speak the language and they warn you not to drink the water. Fed up with all the bull-sh*t that has accompanied my marriage as of the last 4 months. I just wanted to get away from It all. All the pain, heartache, disappointment, and uncertainty surrounding my life. I had enough. I was done trying to make my wife and others happy. I told " Mickey " to throw In the towell. I was tired of life's version of  Clubber Lang hitting me repeatedly with uppercuts and right crosses to my spirt and conviction. I felt like the main attraction In a three ring circus. Walking the high-wire with no training and no net, trying to juggle all the stress and demands that life had unexpectedly thrown at me.

"Watch as the flying sierecki falls to his death In an euphoria of cheers and applause from his family".

I had enough of the advice, the frowns of disapproval, and mostly the feelings of failure. I felt that I had proven myself  with success through adversity and the willingness to give up and change everything to save my marriage. I just could'nt take anymore attacks on my charcter and the mounting piles of unhappiness coming at me from every Imaginable angle. So bags In hand, I was ready to withdraw the remaining $50 from my checking account and hop the next Greyhound out of town to the middle of nowhere.

Then I got a message from a friend. A friend who I barely know anything about but had made an Imediate Impact on my life. This friend, who shall remain nameless b/c she knows who she Is, has prayed for me and my wife without having to be asked.This friend has offered words of encouragement to me without expecting anything In return.This special friend of mine, upon hearing my thought of leaving blogstream behind, has made It very clear that (somehow ?) I had made an Impact upon her life as well. I have gotten so much spirtually and emotionally from this AUTHOR , that no amount of thanks could ever express my gratitude.

It's funny, I have been so concerned about my blog being a place where I could express myself In a helpful and therapuetic way. A place that others could look into and see my struggles, no matter how great or small, and hopefully read about success and redemption through hard work and belief. A place where others who may be struggling themselves can look on and know that their not alone. These parameters and Idiologies of what my blog should mean to me and what they might mean In helping someone else has been the driving force behind my blog. And when I thought that motivation was In jeporady I ultimately thought of shutting It down.

When I recieved this message however and the others of people who were concerned and wishing me happiness. I just could'nt bring myself to go through with It. I never realized that while I was worried that I was turning my blog Into a soap box of pity, that I had actually touched others In ways I never thought were possible. With words of encouragement for them to continue on fighting the good fight In each and everyone of their lives. I was amazed and brought to tears that somehow through my struggles others were finding strength to fight thiers. That by giving them the opportunity to be kind to someone else In obvious need of a friend, that would somehow In turn provide some sort of evidence, If you will, that were good people who just needed the chance to prove It to themselves and the demons that haunt them at night.

So I have decided to stay at the stream for a little while longer. To take back my blog and what It should be, One sentence at a time.An outlet of healing through every day struggle and an account of my sometimes painful history. I have only ONE  person to thank for that, because without her kind words, prayers and willingness to share her everyday life with me and everyone else she has touched In so many beautiful ways. I would'nt be here on this site today.

If I had my choice that Greyhound would roll Into the "little" ocean town she calls home and buy her a drink on me. Just so I could say THANK YOU and get to know her they way all good friends should know each other. I am glad that I was able to provide comforting words to her In a trying and difficult situation. I am also glad that out of the goodness In her heart, she returned the favor.

So old Charlie will be around for a little while longer......I just pray to God that I am able to get that feeling I had when I started back.....GOOD GRIEF

~cb

Well Christmas has come and gone and I am proud to say that there were no calls to 911, no front porch Royal Rumbles, and my family enjoyed a nice turkey dinner Instead of making me look like a turkey In front of my In-laws for once. I have to apologize for not posting In so long. I am estatic to say that I have been busy preparing for the next semester in Respiratory therapy and now working at one of the local hospitals In the very field that I am striving to make my carreer In.

I feel like a kid In a candy store who hasn't eaten a thing In a month. I can to any of the feelings of joy that have taken over my soul. I owe all of this to hard work, prayer, and to those of you ( and you know who you are) that have sent me private e-mails and messages with nothing but kind and encouraging words for me and my wife In these troubled times.

With that being said...I must say that for the first time since joining this site I am seriously considering shutting down my blog. It's very difficult to explain how this thought process began In my mind. When I first started to blog the only thing I was looking to get out of this was an outlet for me to express my everyday life and to start an everyday journal of memories that I did not want to forget or even worse...Lose forever.

Then one day I happened across a particular blog that changed everything for me on how I viewed this site. No disrespect to anyone who choses to share their everyday life and struggles with the rest of us. But this certain blog gave me an opporutunity I never thought I would have again. It touched me and healed some old wounds that I thought would be bleeding forever.The more I got to know and respect this person, the more I wanted to be able to do that for someone else If I could. I know that I can never be as graceful with my words or be able to express the outright fear and lack of hope that someone feels when dealing with deppression as well as this person has for me. What I do know Is that although my blog may never reach the "featured List" like the truly talented writers who desereve to be there. My blog might just reach one person and that would have been a special gift that I could cherish for a long time to come.

Keeping that hope In my mind, I started to post trumatic messages about my past and how they have limted my growth as an adult and Individual. What great way to make therapuetic strides for myself and hopefully express hope and conection to someone who may have felt out of place. Then things changed. My struggles with my wife and how It was affecting me and everything I was working so hard to accomplish began to take center stage on my blog. The more that things had gotten worse for us, the more messages I would post regarding my uncertain marriage.

My wife and I agreed to see my therapist for beginers marriage counseling. I had only seen my therapist for a few sessions and obvisiously needed more time to work through the demons that haunted me and myself estem for years. At this point however, I ws not afforded that luxurey. I was, and still am today, convinced that my marriage was about to end. So I half-heartedly agreded to that decison. It's not that I was'nt willing to work on my marriage with my wife. I love my wife dearly and will be completely destroyed If our efforts are not successful. I just knew Inside that this would be a forum for my wife to attack me and my charcter until there was not an Inch of either left.

After all the emotional beatings within those painful hours, I discovered something. My wife was right !! About one thing atleast. No matter how hard I had previously tried to accomplish goals I had set for myself I had always fallen short to circumstance. It was always one thing or another that affected why I had not achieved.....Not ME. So after hearing my wife shout these things over and over and over again I decided not to ever let that happen to me again. I was gonna fail.... I was going down swinging and kicking. Thats when The thoughts of shutting down my blog started.

Due to my new found determination I was successful In achieveing my goal of educational success this semester. After all that happened and all the obstacles that were set In my way from others. I was still standing. I can not also explain the pure joy and happiness within my soul even now as I type these words to you that I feel for doing what It took to achieve when all the odds were against me.

You see thats what I Initally wanted to write about. Overcomming your self doubt and not letting outside factors or Influences steer you astray. That Is how I was hoping to connect with others. Not by crying on everyones shoulders about my relationship with my wife for sympathy. That Is not the type of man I am. Please do not MISUNDERSTAND what I am trying to express. I am gratefull for all of your prayers and your kind words. I am humbled to recieve them from strangers who are now more like family, then my family who are now more like strangers.

You see, It was then and Is now, your gifts of grace to me that have helped kept me focused and determined. For that I will always be grateful. What scares me though, Is that my marriage relationship has gotten worse In ways I cant even explain to myself. How does your wife look you In your eyes and tell you she does not have faith In you ? How does your wife lokk at you and say she Is tired of being at a different level and unsure of  your journey together ahead. Now she Is telling me that she loves me dearly and Is trying to be encouraging towards me. Well that Is easy now when I have no doubtlly proven myself alittle.

You see now I am unsure about my journey with her. And at this point I am just not willing to discuss that on this site. It Is not what I had In mind when I made the decison to try to reach that one person. To try and return the gift that had been so gratiously given to me. I cant do that and disscuss the situation with my wife at the same time.

So as of now, I am not sure just how long old Charlie will be In the nieghborhood. I am just thankfull for those people who were kind to me and my wife. To those people who truly understood how I felt then amd now. Most Importantly.....To the one person who gave so much without knowing. And when she did know.....GAVE EVEN MORE WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR ME AND MY WIFE IN RETURN.

THANK YOU.................cb

P.S. It makes my heart laugh and my soul smile to read your posts. I hope you continue to ride on your ELEVATOR of happiness.....May you never take the stairs again. 

While browsing through some of the blogs I like to visit.I happened to come across a blog, with a story about Christmas, that not only would have made the writers at National Lampoons piss their pants, It also reminded me of my NUTTY family as well. Although It made me laugh, It also reminded that Christmas Is coming no matter what happens with school and my wife. So In honor of the Christmas Spirt.I thought I would share a funny story form Christmas Past regarding me and my family. No awards or recognition. Just plain old fashioned fun that I hope you will enjoy. MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone...

I took my nephew and niece to the mall the other day to see Santa. My sister Is having a hard time recently and I thought that I would do something nice for her and the kids. I have been so wrapped up In school and the problems with my marriage lately, I have'nt really spent the time I usually like to with them. So I thought this would be a golden opportunity to make up for It. I picked up the kids early In an attempt to avoid the traffic, the long lines, and my road rage that usually spills over from the car Into the mall.We listened to the local "Christmas 24/7" channel on the radio. We sang Joy to the World, Here Comes Santa Claus, and all that jazz. All In all, It was a fun trip that I hope I will remember for a long time to come.

On the way home from the North Pole my nephew asked me a question I thought I would'nt hear until I had kids of my own. Uncle Chris Is Santa Claus real ? I could'nt believe It. Just ten minutes ago he was frimly perched on Santas knees now he wanted me to break them. My nephew Is now 12 and I guess he Is at that age where kids In school start to question everything. I avoided the question the best I could till I could hand the kids off to my sister. On the way home from her house, I started to think about the first time I questioned Santas exsistance.

Picture It....Michigan...Christmas time...1984. What a great year !! We had won the state Cub Scout softball championship, the Tigers won the World Series, and I had learned to ride my back with no hands without a trip to the E.R. for a brooken nose and stiches. I was ten at the time. The year before had been hard on my family and we hardly got anything for Christmas. Feeling that Santa had SCREWED us  over last year. I made It a point to be as good as I possibly could. Right before class let out for Christmas break. I was talking to a friend of mine about how there was no way that Santa could possibly screw us again this year. When one of the older kids on the bus coldly told me there was no Santa Claus. I was crushed and confused to say the least. Me and Santa were tight. I left him milk and cookies and he left me presents. How could this be ? We had just seen him and Rudolph at the mall last week !! His sliegh was being towed as we left for double parking In a handicapped zone !! No Elves...No Workshop....No Mrs. Claus...No Frosty...No List..What the hell Is going on!!

I wanted Answers !! As all kids do at that age, I asked the only person I felt had all the answers...My 13 year old cousin Ron. I Idolized him. I folowed him around everywhere. He was like the older brother I wanted so badly but never had. The first chance I had, leading up to Christmas, I asked him the question that had me so distraught, that not even snow up to our waists could make me feel better. Ron, Santas real right ? He started to laugh. You still believe in Santa Claus ?? Yes I screamed at him defiantly with tears starting roll down my checks. He just laughed even harder. There aint no Santa Claus he said now seeming to enjoy crushing my Innocence. Yes there Is.. I screamed back, now In complete emotional meltdown. 

How do you think some FAT GUY in a red suit, who plays with elves, and drives a sliegh of FLYING reindeer, can make It to every house around the world In one night ?? Its Impossible.Oh yeah... then who brings the presents, who drinks the milk and eats the cookies, and who the hell Is that FAT guy at the mall ?? Your Dad buys your presents, The fat guy Is an employee, and I ate your cookies last year. No Santa I said. NO SANTA CLAUS he said as he put me Into a headlock and kicked me out of his room. At that moment It hit me. No wonder we always got less than the other kids at school or nothing at all no matter how bad or good we were.

That week leading up to Christmas I was moping around the house and obvisouly upset about something. My Dad finally asked me what was wrong. There Is no Santa Claus I told Him. Santa Is just a big fat lie I said as I continued to stare at the breakfast I wasn't eating. So, Who told you that ? Ron told me everything I said, as I got up from the table and went to my room. My Dad then decided to try and fix the situation. We were all going to my Aunts house that year on christmas Eve. Where we would have the usual family Christmas dinner and exchange gifts.

My Dad, In all his Infinte wisdom, had arranged for our cousin Roy to come to the house and play Santa Claus. He was to dress for the part and hand out gifts to everyone. Everyone except for my cousin Ron, who was to recieve a Lump of coal for his particapation In this mess.There was only one small problem with his plan...Cousin Roy was a RAGING alcholic. Although Roy liked to enjoy a drink or 2, or 3, or 4 around the holidays. There was no reason to believe he could'nt handle the task at hand.Christmas Eve finally arrived and we packed up and headed to my cousin Rons for the festivities.

Everything was going surprisingly well for one of oue family get-togethers. No arguments, no brooken dishes, and no threats to call the police. All was good. Somewhere In between the end of Its A Wonderful Life and my second piece of pumkin pie. I heard jingle bells outside the picture window In the living room. All the younger kids Imediately went Into a fit of Christmas Euphoria, While I sat motionless determined not to be fooled again. When the door bell rang and the HO HO HOES rang with them, I found It extremley difficult to control my excitement. The next thing I knew Santa was at the door with a HUGE bag of presents for everyone.

Upon closer look though, there was something definately different about this Santa. He kinda wobbled when he walked, needed help from the door jam to stand, and slurred his words while calling out the names on the presents. I took a quick look outside to check for Rudolph and his sliegh. Not there. Nothing but a beat up Chevy pick-up that seemd to have cliped the mail box on the way up the drive. Then my name was called. I walked slowly over to Santa and took a seat on the knee I had grown to love and trust over my ten years of life.

Before I could sit down comfortably, I suddenly noticed something. Santa's eye's were bloodshot and he reeked of alchol. I started to think to myself, Santa's suppossed to smell like Hot Chocolate and cookies not Jack and Coke.Then I realized, someone Is trying to pull a fast one on me. Then I started to tug on Santa's beard with all my might and screaming at the top of my lungs " This Isn't Santa Claus....This Is cousin Roy " The more and more my family tried to pull me off this Imposter Santa.The more I held on for dear life. I did'nt realize that, I could have tied that beard around the trailer hitch on that Chevy outside and not accomplish anything. Roy's beard was real and the only thing I was actually accomplishing was pissing him off.

When I was finally pulled off of Roy, I looked up to see my Dad connect with a right hook that sent Roy to the ground In a clatter.After they were seperated, Roy stumbled and fumbled his way out the house, back to his Union bulit sliegh, and out of sight In a flash. In the end, I got a new bike, my cousin got grounded, and Roy got a black eye. If you thought this was bad...wait till I tell you the story of the easter Bunny......GOOD GRIEF