I have, for the better part of the last 10 years, done everything in my power to solidify myself in a carrer for my future. I have done everything from selling cars and caskets to just short of selling my body to get ahead and stay there. I have gone from get rich quick schemes to prymaid schemes. I have offered everything to employers to recieve nothing in return. Finanlly, I came to the realization that the only way for me to get ahead was to get back in school.

For the last 3 years I have sacrificed everything to get a college degree. I started out with radilogy in a local hospital based program. Unfortunately I found out the hard way, that it just about impossible to go to school fulltime and work fulltime, all at the same time. While I was busy burning the candle at both ends. I eventually burnt myself out.

My wife and I got married the summer after being dismissed from the radiology program. We both agreed that a colloge education in the medical field was my course of action in helping to provide a stable future. We strugled financally to get me in to the Respiratory Therapy program I am currently attending.

Although our fight was a difficult one in getting us here, It never prepared us for the " all out war " we face today. The Ice we are currently skating on is so thin it makes Ghandi look like he needs a diet. We are literally one bad car battery disaster. My wife is so stresed out right now , she is closer to breaking down than my 8 year old escort.

Hence my delima. Before I gained acceptance to the program, I applied to a local school district for a union maintenance position. Things were still up in the air and I had decided to prepare for the worst. I never heard back about that job and was accepted into school. The other day, at the height of our financial distress. I got a call back from that school district. They wanted to bring me in for an interview.

At first I felt so relieved. I honestly felt and still do somewhat today, that my marriage was on the brink of divorce. I felt that this opportunity could save us from the impending doom our current situation. But the more I have thought about it, The more I realized that Respiratory Therapy is what I want to accomplish. I would much rather work with ventilators and spirometers, then mops and brooms.

So I ask you this one simple question. What would you do? Would you give your dream of a college education, a stable future, and a respectable carrer for to save your marriage? Would you be willing to tell the one person you love. The only person who has given you unconditional support in chasing your dreams.Would you be willing to say " Im sorry that this strain is too much for you to bear, but deal with it" cause Im not giving up sh*t. I don't care if you have a nervous breakdown just deal with it.

This has to be the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. Risk my marriage stride ahead or give up a dream that you have strugled so hard to achieve? I don't know where the road leads from here. I don't know how the situation will turn out. I do know this. There must be answer that I cant see from the bottom of this MOUNTAIN we are trying to climb.

If anyone can offer some advice I would be extremely grateful.Cause right now I dont see how I can accomplish both....GOOD GRIEF !!!

Communication...The staple of the future. Its amazing to me that we now live in a day and age where Information is at our fingertips all the time. We can get the news, sports, and the stock report all from our cell phone but simple advice from a loving father to a distressed daughter is lost in translation. Somehow we are missing the point.

My father In-law is and always has been a rock of support and advice to my wife. Sometimes though, no matter how hard he tries, his message is about as clear as watching channel 3 without cable or an antenna.....nothing but static. I guess its hard for a parent to give solid advice to a child, no what matter their age, when that child is upset beyond belief. Things are escalated, misconstrued, and the simple statement " I love you " just doesn't register.

whats really sad about this most recent " Mess " is that we all have the time to send a funny e-mail or picture from a reccent family get-together but not enough time to sit down and just listen to ones we love in their time of need. Or that we are so upset we can't grasp the advice and support being given to us.

With that being said, Its really too bad we all are not given our own " network " to analyze or organize those " Important" messages from loved ones we all need to hear, when we need to hear them most.

So the next time the wind picks up within your relationships.Instead of turning your dish or changing the channel. Take the time to truly listen to ones you love. Otherwise you like myself, may find yourself always " Searching for a signal".....GOOD GRIEF

I would like to take this opportunity to applogize to those of you in the peanut gallery who have been following my blog. Me and my wife have been having some problems lately and I have been busy doing damage control. I know what your thinking...That charlie must've said or done something out of line right? I know...Charlie must've forgotten his aniversery. The sad truth of the matter is that my wife and I have only one problem. The only problem. You guessed it...The almighty dollar. Thats right money. Give that contestant a prize.

My wife and I have a wonderful relationship when it comes to communication, trust, and a sound respect for each other. Ours is the type of love that can go the distance. I see us as the old couple walking in the park still holding hands with a smile on our faces that would stretch from Michigan to Miami.Unfotunately though, when it comes to our problems surrounding money...I dont see us together past next week..Let alone next year.

I grew up in a hosehold without guidance in financial matters to say the least. I was underprepared in the management of my credit and spending money. I have made a world of mistakes in that arena. My wife on the other hand, grew up in a stable family enviorment where money management was a side dish at the dinner table alomg with the mashed potatoes. Unfortunately for her, handling her money gives her anxiety attacks to the point that her dad had to step in and take care of them for her.

I have strived to make every effort to change my financial management skills. But not everyone becomes donald trump overnight. So when I make a mistake every now and again..no matter how big or small..Its automatically a distaster. I not only have to deal with her anxiety and fears..but have to deal with her family working her up as well.

I personally believe, that if it was left to her family we would already be a re-run on DIVORCE COURT. I have tried everything from budgeting software to carrying around a notepad to curb my unthrifty ways but nothing seems to be a solution.What I dont understand and probably never will is the fact that all of our friends have major issues with their marriages. Infidelity...alcholism..and just a plain lack of love and respect for each other in these cases. When I compare these issues are friends are dealing with to ours. I can't help but feel that we should be in a better situation than we are.

I look at it like this...A lack of trust, love, or respect are Issues I feel can't be overcome. But poor spending habits are something that can be improved upon. Maybe it's my wife family in her ear..out of concern for her well being..or not is causing all her anxiety. What bothers me is not the lack of support on her families behalf...Although they all sang my praises while I helped her with her eating disorder..Your such a great guy...you make such a difference...Thank god she has you.

I dont know whats worse...finding out your new family..so to speak..dispised you behind your back the whole time. Or that they would rather see their daugther divorced before offering any help or advice on these matters. That they feel its ok to bring their own daughter to tears just so they can say we told you so. My wife and her family knew that I would be going to school full time and not really working other than part-time. Why did'nt her family voice their concerns before we got married? Especially since they knew her problems in dealing with money.

I find myself loathing the time spent with her family, their fake smiles and bullshit compliments.I only go to these functions or sunday dinners to avoid putting her in the middle and thus creating more problems for us.The thing that stings the most is that I thought for once in my life, I had become a welcomed and loved addition to a normal family. The more I think of it though, I'll take my poor, emotionally and mentally screwed family any day of the week over theirs. Atleast they were honest with their lack of support for me.

I have managed, for the time being, to convince my wife that if we work together on our weakness with money we can defeat it. That she does'nt have to seperate her credit from mine legeally. That their is a future with children, a home of our own with a white picket fence if she would have a little faith and trust in us as a team.

I just fear the next time we can't afford to buy her two year old nephew the most expensive gift for his birthday or christmas. That her family will freak her out again. That is a scary thought to me.What ever happened to the days when families supported their children marriages and discouraged divorce like it was the bubonic plague. Hell my great grandmother hid from my grandmother the fact her new husband had serious mental and fidelity issues. Just so she would'nt be embarssed in the eyes of the church and her neighberhood girlfriends.

I dont know what else to do concerning her family and her problem with money itself. A huge part of me wants to tell them all to go to hell and call 1-800-adam.Instead I will put on my sunday best and pray to GOD I...or we can get through the hollidays unscathed.

all you need is love huh ?? I guess YOKO'S family did'nt speak ENGLISH. GOOD GRIEF !!!!!

My wife Is a nurse in the NICU in a local hospital in our area.There is a small group of nurses and their husbands that we usually hang out with.At weddings, birthday parties, and holiday hospital functions.We recently attended a wedding for one of the previously single members of that group.It was a beautiful wedding with a locally famous 80's rock band and all the beer you could want to pound down over the course of a saturday night.

There is one couple in the group we tend to get along with just a little bit better than the others."Ron and Racheal" as they will be called for the purpose of this posting and possiblly others.Ron and Racheal are a fun and attractive couple.

Ron and Racheal have been married for alittle over a year and they are already having some huge marrital problems.According to my wife, Ron is very NASTY towards his wife.He has also had problems with drinking and driving (going on his 3rd D.U.I.)and is now working "LATE".

We recently attended a birthday party for Racheal at their home.It was Ron and Rachael, my wife and myself, and another couple. We had Pizza and beers and the occasional shot or two. After the other couple went home, things got alittle out of hand.

Rachael began to swallow a fifth of Tequilla on her own and Ron began to compliment my wife on how hot she was..repeatedly. Then just as things started seem al tad strange...Racheal came out in her "Nighty Tighty" with but floss thongs to match.Then she preceeded to dance around with her ass hanging out for all of us to see, with out a care in the world.

Now at first, my wife and I just laughed it off, pointing to the tequilla as the motivation beheind this sudden stage performance. But as the night and drinking went on, the "You and Your wife are hot comments" began to increase at an uncomfortable pace.

Just as we were debating leaving, Ron passed out and the craziness that was going on had come to a halt.We decided to get breakfeast from the 'KING" and then crashed until about 1pm the next afternoon.

As we left the next day, me and wife had a good laugh about the night before and the subliminal offer to swing.I thank god that my wife and I have such a solid relationship with each other. I feel terrible for our friends, who no doubt are going through some confusing and trying times with each other.

We are set to go over to their place once again tonight. I am hoping that we were wrong in our assesment of the situation last time and that strangeness was due to too many Blue Lights and one too many Tequilla shots.Incase we were right about the underlying message being put across by our friends. I am only drinking cokes until I feel the situation is safe.Where is Dr. Phil when you need him...GOOD GRIEF!!

Well Im back already...It's just about 3 in the morning and you guessed it..I CAN'T SLEEP!! While I was tossing and turning in bed, I just could not get brain to shut down and shut off. The mind has a funny way sometimes of forcing you to think about people, situations, and feelings you just don't want to deal with during the day.

This is my problem..and if anyone happens to be up right now and watching ( sorry to hear that ) maybe you can offer some insight or advice to me. Here goes.....

In my last posting I shared with the world my basic views on spirtuality anf faith. Like I said earlier, I was raised catholic but do not consider myself a strict member of that faith. My wife was raised catholic also but now pratices BUDISM.I have accompanied her on sundays on and off for about 2 1/2 years now. I really enjoy the people there and seem to get alot out of joining in and meditating.

Heres my problem...The more that I attend this sittings on sundays and the more I learn about budism. The more I would like to get Involved.It seems though, that every time I make a true attempt to get Involved and become a weekly participant..I find myself feeling gulity about my new adventure. I find myself feeling like Im turning my back on my faith.

Im sure that everyone is well aware that budists beliefs and catholics beliefs are not the same.Already knowing that I am not what you would call a by the book catholic.It seems odd that maybe venturing out into a more diverse spirtual world not be a problem. But I just can't bring myself to enjoy and soak up as much information as possible without thinking that I might be on the road to throwing away the only thing that has kept me going and alive through all the bullshit that I have had to endure over the course of my short 31 years.

I am hoping someone can make a suggestion on I can overcome this gulit and fear of losing my spirtual security blanket. I tend to think that it might be possible to keep my dep rooted version of the catholic faith, while embracing a community that teaches people to love themselves and most importantly EACH OTHER.

I hope I am not offending anyone with my ASKEWED defintions of either walks of life. I am only hoping that maybe their is someone out there that can maybe offer some guidance in my time of confusion. PLEASE feel free to leave comments!! Thank you